Small Things

Should my daughter be a princess? (and how Navy wives are like the Little Mermaid)

Today at the Target I bought The Little Mermaid on DVD for my almost-3-year-old Mary, and it is the first princess movie in our house. I've tried to occupy her with Dora and Care Bears and Ponies as long as possible, but I suppose it's inevitable that the princess thing would happen.

Princesses are fine and dandy, I guess . . . I just have felt like boys get a better deal when it comes to licensed characters. Boys get superheroes who fight crime and save lives. Girls get princesses who wear pretty dresses and long for true love's kiss. Superheroes model strength and courage. Princesses model . . . entitlement and kindness to small animals?

Disney has been doing a better job with the modern princesses like Belle, who stumbles into the beastly prince in an effort to save her father. And I will confess I have never seen Aladdin, so I have no idea what Jasmine's adventure is about (Bea, are you shocked? Don't tell Caroline!). But the old school princesses like Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella, and Ariel face nothing worse than having their entitlement or their prince usurped.

I really like that Mulan, she displays great courage and fights huns, and just happens to get her man. But she's not really a princess. I can't stand Pocahontas--the Disney movie, that is. I saw about 5 minutes and couldn't take anymore of the heavy-handed agenda. Plot took second fiddle to teaching that trees and rocks are spiritual and the white man is dumb and evil. Yes, there's truth in the story, but it had all the narrative magic of an after-school special. Maybe I'd have been won over after ten minutes or so, but they'd already lost me. No matter, I am sure to catch it with my kids some movie night in the future.

Anyway, tonight we watched Ariel pine for her prince, and as the sea witch was offering Ariel a deal, I heard Ariel say, "But if I become human, I'll never be with my father and sisters again!" To which the sea witch replies, "Yessss, but you'll have your man!"

And for some reason, right then I had a flashback to my wedding, being smacked across the bottom with a ceremonial sword and told "Welcome to the NAVY!" So I made my deal, too, I guess. But fortunately, I didn't have to give up my voice, as readers of this blog (and the neighbors who hear me scream at my kids through our open windows) can attest to.

My little Elf

The other day we were shopping at the commissary, and as we browsed the frozen foods, Mary begins, "I'm singing! I'm in a store and I'm singing! I'm in a store and I'm SING-IIING!"

She even continued the dialog: "There's no singing in the North Pole! Yes there is! No there's not! Yes there is!"

Obama and Palin leave my heart exhausted

Though I am not a Democrat, I thought they put on a great show this last week. I couldn't help but admire their earnestness and eagerness to improve America. And no one can deny that Bill Clinton is a very genuine and persuasive speaker, he had even me wondering why it is I am voting for McCain? (Oh, yeah . . . Iraq, energy and drilling, conservative judges, sanctity of life, the first amendment . . . .)

Then Obama spoke last night, taking his place in the history books for sure, but also taking his place as an impressive role model and emblem for optimism. During his speech, I kept thinking about the boys I taught in Pensacola during my one year of teaching. Many of the kids there had no fathers at home, and very few male role models in their life. For African American boys in particular, there were no male adults like them, in positions of authority, responsibility, or public office to look up to. Last night, my heart swelled as I hoped that my old students, Frank, D' Angelo, Antoine, Julian, and Ronald, wherever they are, were watching the Democratic candidate and seeing someone who looks just like them. And that Obama would give them confidence that they CAN do anything they want to do.

And then this morning! This morning, I saw a sharp and impressive woman who looks just like me take the stage, with her husband and children and baby behind her, and inspire my ambition, and give me confidence . . . and my heart just burst!

I have a new hero, and her name is Sarah Palin!

5 Things I Can't Wait to Stop Saying to My Kids

I love being a mom to my very young children. I really do. I especially love the baby stage, I have said many times that I'll take an infant anyday, I can handle the sleep issues, crying, nursing, all that. I love that part and I feel like I'm good at it. It's when they start walking and talking that my patience and confidence wane. I still love it, but it is sooooooo hard.

Sometimes I give myself a little pep-talk about how this is just one stage in my life, someday they all will be older and be able to feed themselves, go potty by themselves, entertain themselves . . . and then I will miss how little and sweet they are now. But I do long for the day when my thoughts and words and daily routine are saner, calmer, more grown-up oriented. In particular, I long for the day that I am no longer saying any of the following:

1. Put it down, that's not a toy. This applies to makeup, my cell phone, scissors, picture frames, anything and everything, really, that could be broken, or break something else, or be lost, or spill, or that just isn't, well, a toy.

2. You only write on paper! As opposed to furniture, walls, or skin.

3. Are you dry? The stage when you are asking this is accompanied by doing lots of extra laundry and wiping the floor way too often.

4. Why are you wet? You would think this is related to the last question, but it's not. Too often, this question reveals an entirely different surprise.

5. If you (insert dangerous or violent activity) again, I will spank you. Before kids, of course I thought I would never spank. And I hardly ever do. This sentence is always (ok, almost always) preceded by a warning, and then a time out, and I do try to reserve it for dangerous things like unbuckling their seatbelts repeatedly while we're driving, or standing on top of the baby, or running into the street, or holding the baby upside-down by her ankles, or throwing toys down the stairs, etc.

I am sure there will new things to say someday over and over, about doing homework, chores, cleaning their rooms, etc. To everything there is a season. I just hope this season leaves my sanity intact.

Missing the perks of marriage (it's not what you think)

There are many things I miss about Jamie, my husband, when he is deployed. I miss the companionship most of all, he's been my best friend, sounding board, and playmate for so long I am truly at a loss without him. I also miss his help in taking care of three kids, handling bills, taxes, rental properties, etc.

But today, it is not for any of those things that I am missing him. Today, I just want a handy man. Doesn't have to be an actual 'handyman' by trade. Just a man who is handy.

There has been a puddle of water in the garage for about a week now, coming from the area of the freezer and extra fridge. I have not investigated yet, for two reasons. First, both appliances are topped by about 15 boxes of holiday decorations, and then buried behind other boxes, toys, and the cargo carrier for our car. To investigate, I would have to pull all of this out of the garage and pull out the fridge and freezer. Second, it didn't worry me too much, because there is nothing in the freezer or fridge, and I hate the fridge anyway and have wanted it hauled away for years. Jamie keeps it just in case he decides to go back to brewing beer, which he hasn't had time to do in about 3 years.

Well, this morning I came downstairs to find a puddle coming from under the kitchen refrigerator. Which backs up to the wall at the same spot as the garage fridge and freezer. I'm a pretty smart person, so it didn't take me long to connect the dots.

So now I am dealing with cleanup, investigating the extent of the damage, possible mold, etc . . . but it makes me so frustrated that I am dealing with this alone. Isn't this what I got married for?

 Oh, no, that was for love. Damn.

My hubby is now a shellback

Last I heard from Jamie, they were about to cross the equator, which in the Navy is usually accompanied by much juvenile revelry and strange initiation practices.

I'm curious to hear how the shellback ceremony actually went, if the Navy still lives up to it's reputation. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. Is it supposed to be something secretive and mysterious, like a frat initiation?

Jamie's never crossed the equator before. He was supposed to, toward the end of his first cruise, when they were on their way home from the Gulf and planning to round the tip of Africa and cross the Atlantic.

That's where they were on September 11, 2001, when the carrier made such a fast U-turn it shuddered and leaned sharply. When they were finally able to come home again, they came the efficient way through the Suez, and the era of leisurely meanderings through exotic seas and ports was over for awhile.

This is his first deployment in the Pacific, I know he is enjoying the different ports and seeing a little of Asia. How I wish I could meet the boat in Hawaii on their way home! But it's not to be, not with the 3 kiddos as young as they are. Someday.

For now, I'd settle for a Mai Tai and more frequent email.

Weren't the opening ceremonies fantastic?

I have to say kudos to China for a show last night that was spectacular, and beautiful. The people who performed in such grand scale, coordinated movements . . . amazing! The giant Earth with people walking around it sideways and upside down, the guys in the green light-up suits, and then that dramatic floating run to the cauldron, that had me in tears. I let Jimmy stay up, he fell asleep in my lap, but I woke him up for the torch lighting. Amazingly, he could not keep his eyes open for the fireworks, even though I kept shaking him and saying WOW! Look! WOW! They made my jaw drop, I can only imagine what that felt like to be standing under it all, feeling the explosions.

I have to say, I think China more than succeeded in making the world forget about their political issues for awhile and focus on China's beauty and the Olympic Spirit. What more could you want from the Opening Ceremonies? I have strong opinions about China, but they are officially muted while I enjoy the next two weeks.

(USA! USA! USA!)

Red, red wine . . . for $5.99 . . .

I am very worried about my nose for wine. I am afraid, actually. I'm afraid that I might have one now.

I've been a fan of red wine for almost 15 years now, and I can happily say that for all those years, I was perfectly happy with a $5 bottle from the grocery store. On occassion, I would spring for a 8.99 bottle, but not often. When we go out to eat, Jamie and I can indeed spend much, much more for good wine to accompany our dinner, and upon tasting it, I know I can definitely appreciate good wine. But when we would have a cheap bottle at home, it was no big deal. I didn't miss the good stuff.

I think that may have finally changed. A few weeks ago, at the local Henry's I picked up a Syrah and a Cabernet on a 2 for $6 special. I drank two glasses of the Cabernet, and thought it wasn't very good. Jamie thought it was awful, and wouldn't drink it. A few nights later, I opened the Syrah, tasted it, and poured the whole thing down the drain. I thought, ok, maybe $3 a bottle really is bad. My next buy was a $5.99 bottle, and I thought I was safely back in my taste-range. Except that one was not what I would call enjoyable, either. That's when I began to worry.

On our move out here, we spent a week in the Grand Tetons and had several excellent dinners in Jackson and at the lodges, dining on elk and bison steaks, with accompanying excellent wines. I think that was when it finally happened. Somehow, my nose now knows. At least, a little better than it used to.

So last week, in an effort to reassure myself that I still have cheap taste (in wine, I mean), I bought a bottle of Mouton Cadet Bordeaux, my favorite cheap wine, for $5.99. It was drinkable, but not what I remembered. So now I wonder, is it really me? Have I outgrown cheap wine? Because I can't justify spending ten dollars a bottle for just me alone, when I only want one glass a night, and I usually poor the last of the bottle out. When Jamie is home to finish a bottle with me, it would be worth it, maybe. Maybe it's time to look into boxed wines . . . but is that worse than $5 bottles?

My friend Sarah Smiley to interview Michelle Obama!

I am so excited for my friend Sarah, I can hardly sit still! She emailed me yesterday to say that she was invited to sit with Michelle Obama at an event in Norfolk this week. Sarah writes a syndicated column, Shore Duty, about life in a military family, and apparently Mrs. Obama wants to touch base with spouses like us.

Sarah asked a few of us fellow milspouses what issues we might discuss with the Democratic candidate's wife. Oh, the wheels they were a-turnin'! I genuinely admire both candidates' wives, and think the chance to discuss issues with either is such an honor! Here are three questions I brainstormed:

1. On Education: You and your husband were able to choose an excellent private school for your daughters. Military children change schools often, and as their parents, we become pretty opinionated about what makes a school good for our child. Shouldn't all American parents have the opportunity to choose the best school for their child?

2. On Iraq: Most military families are personally proud of our hard-earned progress in Iraq so far. We worry that leaving too soon would undo all that we've sacrificed for. How important is it to your husband that we ensure Iraq is ready to resist Al Queada and Iran on it's own?

3. On the Economy: The biggest daily effect the economy has on military moms, like all moms, is inflation at the grocery store and at the gas pump. What would your husband do so that our dollar buys more?

Apparently Michelle Obama's people indicated she wanted to talk about military spouses and working mothers. I hope she is smart enough to know that our 'concerns' are really no different than non-mom, non-milspouse concerns. That appealing to women voters does not mean addressing marginal 'women's issues.'  I think she just might be.