Small Things

Top 5 Signs Autumn is Coming

Here in Southern California, we can't rely on the usual signs that summer is over and that fall is on the way. Our school district is year-round, so for my kids, back-to-school time was in the middle of July. And come September, there is no real turning of leaves. I've noticed the one deciduous tree over my driveway sheds it's leave continuously, with a major mess dropping in early summer, not autumn.

But I love autumn, it's the best time of year, so I do look forward to the few clear signs that it's almost here.

1. The heat breaks, and I can turn off the air conditioning. August can be brutally hot. While the weather is mild year-round here, if we are going to have a heat wave, it happens in august. We live a good 25 minutes from the beach, so we have fewer breezes, no marine layer, and long, long days of unadulterated clear blue skies. Every. Single. Day. No clouds, no rain, no merciful low-pressure fronts bringing thunder storms. What I wouldn't give for a good afternoon thunder-shower.

2. I stock up on cake mix for birthdays. My son's birthday is in October, and my oldest daughter's is in September. Just this week I made cupcakes for her preschool class, a cake for our family after her birthday dinner, and I have one more to make for her actual party on Friday. This is a ridiculous amount of cake in one week. But I love making homemade (read: messy) birthday cakes, and this year, I successfully made all-natural pink frosting tinted with beet juice. I've come a long way since the Red-Dye Incident of 2004.

3. Pumpkin Spice Latte returns to Starbucks. Need I say more?

4. The corn maze is gettin' high. I always drive a convoluted back road route to get to the highway, because the fast-connecting newish highway has a mind-boggling toll of $2.50. I refuse to pay it, unless I am seriously running late for an appointment. I like the back way, because the valley is filled with heady aromas of sage and eucalyptus, and sometimes, just past the hand-lettered sign that reads "Andalusion Stallion at Stud," we see horses out for a walk past the golf course. I recently drove my friend to the Navy hospital when she was in serious labor, and on autopilot I passed the connector and headed down the backroads. I was afraid she was going to get upset, but she was so busy with contractions and practically smacking out the windows of her Volvo with her hand that she didn't notice or say anything. So, along this back route is a christmas tree farm/pumpkin patch that is vacant all summer, but when we can see the pumpkins growing and the corn maze getting high, we know fall is just around the corner. My kids get excited when the hay bales appear and lights are strung, they happily remind me that it's almost pumpkin season.

5. The new fall season of television. I'm not that excited about it this year, because I don't watch many prime time shows. I'm still waiting for Big Love, and Biggest Loser, and the new American Idol. I feel a little guilty about it, but I do enjoy Desperate Housewives. Normally, my husband and I love all the Law and Orders, but I can't watch when he's deployed because it'll make me think too much about violent crime and then I'll never get any sleep. I am really enjoying Jay Leno at 10, it's just what I need as I get ready for bed, a little amusing and timely monologue that I don't have to sit through the local news to get to.

I do miss the traditional shopping for school supplies and sweaters and corduroys, and the crunching  fall leaves waiting to be raked into big piles for kids to jump in. I am an East Coaster at heart. But I picked up a couple of short corduroy skirts at Old Navy, which coordinate nicely with my brown flip flops. And Trader Joe's has some nice looking chrysanthemums. This fall also brings another Homecoming, when my husband's carrier returns home to San Diego next month. It's going to be a great autumn.

How a Navy spouse club can be like Big Love

One of the spouses in my club has a two week old baby and came down with a fever this weekend. As she has two older kids, and our husbands are deployed, she could use a little help, so another spouse and I picked up her kids the last two days so she could rest with the baby and get well. Yesterday we took them all to the Zoo.

As I have three kids, and my friend has one, we wound up with 6 kids in all. It's really surprising how often we fill up every seat in my 8 passenger Outlook. We put the youngest two in a double stroller, and headed straight to the Children's Zoo, where there's a new playground, kid-sized picnic tables, and a petting zoo. It is quite a feat to keep tabs on all of them in a crowd (Labor Day weekend is probably not the best time to take a group of children to the San Diego Zoo), but we didn't lose any of them, and that is the number one goal, after all.

As we were shepherding the kids around, passing out drinks and snacks, yelling at them to walk, to stop picking flowers, to wait for us, etc., my friend commented that she and I might look like a pair of mormon-type moms with all our kids. I noticed she was in a dress, I was in a denim skirt with sneakers, we both had our hair up, and both daughters had dresses on, too. I grinned and said we made good sister-wives. She doesn't watch HBO, so I had to explain about Big Love.

The illusion only went so far, as at one point we both smelled freshly brewed coffee, and we are both addicts. She said we might have to get some. But then I noticed a stand selling beer, and half-fun-full-earnest suggested we get that instead. A little while later we settled our crew on a log bench at Dr. Zoolittle's Science Show, and my friend handed me a Corona with lime, shattering the mormon-like image. One beer got kicked over, which was totally predictable yet unavoidable. I eventually poured the remaining beer into a kids cup with a lid and one of those whistly-straws. (Don't worry, we did not confuse it with the kids' drinks.)

In the end, I decided that life with six kids definitely is easier with more than one mom. But while having a sister-wife might be handy during times like deployment, I think I can live with having Navy spouse friends instead. When times get tough, we team up pretty well.

The Letterman/Palin Brouhaha

I saw the Letterman monologue joke about Sarah Palin's daughter and A-rod, and I didn't laugh. I just kind of shook my head in dismay.

When I heard Palin's public comments in response, I cringed a little for them. I feel their disgust, but I don't know that it helps to acknowledge or engage such a gross joke.

Letterman is an ass, and while many comedians say crasser, more offensive things than that, if Letterman was always like that, he wouldn't be on a network with the ratings he has. At least I hope he wouldn't.

I just think that there are some jokes that shouldn't be tolerated.

I do buy that the intended subject of the joke was Bristol and not the 14 year-old, but that just makes it inaccurate as well as offensive. And I don't care to discuss whether there is a double standard in how the media respects liberals versus conservatives.

I shook my head in dismay because I know there were likely at least a few pregnant 17-year-old, 18-year-old women watching that night who got the picture loud and clear that having a baby will make them a joke. That a pregant teenager loses all respect, and is called a slut to loud laughter and applause.

I've openly discussed my pro-life beliefs here before, and shared my skepticism of the usefulness of marches and placards and slogans in changing people's minds and influencing our cultural values.

Laughing at jokes like Letterman's absolutely influences our culture's values. What's worse is how that particular show may have directly influenced a pregnant teenage girl's choice this week.

I'll say it again and again, if pro-life advocates really want to save babies, they've got to help the mothers decide to keep their babies. And you do that with encouragement, with support, and with respect for the hard road young moms choose to walk, for the love of their babies.

Public and personal humiliation of teenage mothers? Is it really ok to laugh at that?

Weekly Mom's Top 5: Christmas Movies

One movie is conspicuously NOT on my list--I really don't get that excites about It's a Wonderful Life. Doesn't move me all that much, in fact, as things go from bad to worse, I dread watching the poor guy. My favorites may not even all be truly "Christmas" movies, but they are shown during the holiday season. 1. Elf. When it came out a few years ago, we all loved it, and it has stood the test of time not only each successive Christmas, but all through the year. My daughter and her friend have been watching it and acting out scenes since July. We know lines so well, we really should put it on as family entertainment. 2. The Bells of St. Mary's. My family always watched this around Christmas when I was a kid, and I love both Bing Crosby and Ingrid Bergman. Plus, we're Catholic, so we like to laugh at boxing nuns. ;-) If you haven't seen it, rent it. Jamie bought me the DVD a couple of years ago. 3. The Sound of Music. I love to sing with Maria, the songs remind me of being twelve. After watching, I sing Edelweiss to my kids every night for a week. 4. A Charlie Brown Christmas. Isn't this a favorite to everyone over 30? It was such a big deal to stay up after 8 to watch it on TV. Kids these days aren't as impressed with Peanuts, and they can watch animated movies anytime they want. When we were kids, it was event. 5. A Christmas Story. I think this one seems a classic to any age group, even though it came out in the 80's and is set in 40's. My husband just told me you can buy the Christmas Story Leg Lamp online. He also just saw that it is directed by the same guy as Porky's. There's some trivia to share at your next Christmas Party. I've only watched Elf so far this year, and a portion of Charlie Brown. It's time to dig out the Bells of St. Mary's I think! Did I miss any of your favorites? Let me know!

Resurfacing

I just took a Princess Bride Challenge quiz on Facebook, and now the title of this post has me thinking of the scene when Westley and Buttercup finally emerge from the sandpit in the fire swamp, gasping for air.

Life gets that way sometimes, and I wish I was the consistent type who could keep writing in spite of a chaotic life coupled with pneumonia. But I am not that on top of things. Add one more thing to my pile and I do feel like I've fallen into a sandpit and need my Westley to grab a rope and help pull me out. Too bad mine is cruising the Pacific somewhere.

Though I must say, when I watch that movie, and when the R.O.U.S. is attacking Westley, I get really exasperated at how Buttercup just sits there, scooting away from the giant rat in terror, helplessly poking a stick toward it. Puh-lease, like she couldn't grab a bigger stick, start swinging and do some damage. Buttercup is no milspouse, that's for sure. Course, she hasn't had kids yet, either. That would toughen her up a bit.

I'm feeling healthier, and trying to knock things off my never ending to-do list, because it's less than a week before Jamie comes home. Which doesn't give me much time to get someone to haul away the nasty old fridge in the garage before he can stop me. Gotta get busy, but I am definitely back, so stay tuned.

Should my daughter be a princess? (and how Navy wives are like the Little Mermaid)

Today at the Target I bought The Little Mermaid on DVD for my almost-3-year-old Mary, and it is the first princess movie in our house. I've tried to occupy her with Dora and Care Bears and Ponies as long as possible, but I suppose it's inevitable that the princess thing would happen.

Princesses are fine and dandy, I guess . . . I just have felt like boys get a better deal when it comes to licensed characters. Boys get superheroes who fight crime and save lives. Girls get princesses who wear pretty dresses and long for true love's kiss. Superheroes model strength and courage. Princesses model . . . entitlement and kindness to small animals?

Disney has been doing a better job with the modern princesses like Belle, who stumbles into the beastly prince in an effort to save her father. And I will confess I have never seen Aladdin, so I have no idea what Jasmine's adventure is about (Bea, are you shocked? Don't tell Caroline!). But the old school princesses like Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella, and Ariel face nothing worse than having their entitlement or their prince usurped.

I really like that Mulan, she displays great courage and fights huns, and just happens to get her man. But she's not really a princess. I can't stand Pocahontas--the Disney movie, that is. I saw about 5 minutes and couldn't take anymore of the heavy-handed agenda. Plot took second fiddle to teaching that trees and rocks are spiritual and the white man is dumb and evil. Yes, there's truth in the story, but it had all the narrative magic of an after-school special. Maybe I'd have been won over after ten minutes or so, but they'd already lost me. No matter, I am sure to catch it with my kids some movie night in the future.

Anyway, tonight we watched Ariel pine for her prince, and as the sea witch was offering Ariel a deal, I heard Ariel say, "But if I become human, I'll never be with my father and sisters again!" To which the sea witch replies, "Yessss, but you'll have your man!"

And for some reason, right then I had a flashback to my wedding, being smacked across the bottom with a ceremonial sword and told "Welcome to the NAVY!" So I made my deal, too, I guess. But fortunately, I didn't have to give up my voice, as readers of this blog (and the neighbors who hear me scream at my kids through our open windows) can attest to.

Our lives are made in these small hours

Friday night is usually movie night at our house, especially when Jamie is gone. The kids get excited to pop popcorn, stay up a little later, and pick a movie On Demand. I like a good excuse for pizza and eating in front of the TV. This past Friday's pick was Meet the Robinsons, a movie we have seen before, but it's been awhile, and it was one of my favorite kids' movie's in a long time. I started it at about 7, and while the kids watched, I was busy with the pizza, the dishwasher, sorting mail, feeding the baby, changing a diaper, and then making popcorn. By the time I sat down with them on the couch to watch it, it was 2/3rds done.

I enjoyed what was left nonetheless, and when it ended, Jimmy got up to dance to the credits, which is starting to become a pattern. The song was Little Wonders by Rob Thomas. I scooped up Mary and began to dance with her, and as she smiled in my face while I twirled around with her, a lump rose in my throat, and all at once I got weepy. Their faces when I dance with them, their happiness and simple joy at my attention, at playing in the music together--God, it gets me every time!

I had to put down Mary to pick up Jimmy and dance with him, too, and as I hiked his giraffe legs up to straddle my hip, I wondered how much longer I'll be able to pick him up like this, for how much longer will he let me hold him and dance and lay his head on my shoulder happily? Oh, my mom-heart aches to think of how fast these days will fly by, and I want to freeze frame them, capture them in my memory perfectly, never, ever forget how it feels to bear their whole body in my arms.

Course, Rob Thomas doesn't help the drama, singing "Time falls away, but these small hours, these little wonders still remain."  I challenge any mom to listen to that song, and think about the last time you danced with your child, and not get a little choked up.

When I think of time marching on, and how much these "small" hours will mean to me, and to them, once they are past . . . I feel so much . . . weight. Responsibilty. Such a heavy obligation, to make the most of every hour. To not wish time away while their Dad is deployed, while I am struggling with potty training, while I am trying to clean, cook dinner, and get them to bed so I can relax.

I remember a time after Jimmy was born, when I felt like our family had not really started yet. We were a family of three, but I still had a feeling that the real child-raising years, the days of siblings and sitting around the dinner table and family vacations, were still way ahead of us. We always wanted a big family, and both come from good sized families, so I guess I still looked to the future, when the chaos of kids reign in the house. Well, I can say with conviction we are there now. These are the glory days, they will be what my kids will remember as the good old days. When they say things like, "when I was a kid" or "my family would always" or "my mom used to," these are the times they will be talking about.

I wish I had let the dishes and mail wait, and sat down with them a little sooner.

All of my regret will wash away somehow,
but I cannot forget the way I feel right now,
In these small hours, these twists and turns of fate.