Small Things

The Letterman/Palin Brouhaha

I saw the Letterman monologue joke about Sarah Palin's daughter and A-rod, and I didn't laugh. I just kind of shook my head in dismay.

When I heard Palin's public comments in response, I cringed a little for them. I feel their disgust, but I don't know that it helps to acknowledge or engage such a gross joke.

Letterman is an ass, and while many comedians say crasser, more offensive things than that, if Letterman was always like that, he wouldn't be on a network with the ratings he has. At least I hope he wouldn't.

I just think that there are some jokes that shouldn't be tolerated.

I do buy that the intended subject of the joke was Bristol and not the 14 year-old, but that just makes it inaccurate as well as offensive. And I don't care to discuss whether there is a double standard in how the media respects liberals versus conservatives.

I shook my head in dismay because I know there were likely at least a few pregnant 17-year-old, 18-year-old women watching that night who got the picture loud and clear that having a baby will make them a joke. That a pregant teenager loses all respect, and is called a slut to loud laughter and applause.

I've openly discussed my pro-life beliefs here before, and shared my skepticism of the usefulness of marches and placards and slogans in changing people's minds and influencing our cultural values.

Laughing at jokes like Letterman's absolutely influences our culture's values. What's worse is how that particular show may have directly influenced a pregnant teenage girl's choice this week.

I'll say it again and again, if pro-life advocates really want to save babies, they've got to help the mothers decide to keep their babies. And you do that with encouragement, with support, and with respect for the hard road young moms choose to walk, for the love of their babies.

Public and personal humiliation of teenage mothers? Is it really ok to laugh at that?

Women deserve better than Roe v. Wade

Hundreds of thousands marched on the Capitol yesterday.

I generally don't talk politics here on my blog. Around the election, I said a few positive things that impressed me about certain candidates, but I hesitated and deliberated over even doing that. (Indeed, I got my first and only mean comment as a result.) Politics are divisive, and that's something I am just not comfortable being.

But the one political position I have clearly taken here is probably the most inflammatory in our time. At least among women. It's emotional. It's heated. It doesn't have to be.

January 22 is the 36th anniversary of Roe v. Wade. I count myself as pro-life, but I just don't know that marches, confrontations, and placards are what changes a person's mind. I guess they aim to change the law, and save babies. But changing the law won't change the fact that there will always be women seeking abortion.

There are a couple of things I've learned since having babies. And one is that women who have abortions don't do it just because they can. They do it because they are afraid.

Afraid that having a baby means giving up education and a career. Afraid that they won't be able to take care of themself, let alone take care of a baby. Afraid that no one will help them. Afraid that their whole life will change. (Which, of course, it will. And that's always scary.)

Women want to love their babies. The majority of women having abortions are college age. Colleges are not very parent-friendly. Our culture, our feminism, our colleges expect young women to choose. Having a baby typically means getting a job and dropping out.

I know a few moms who had babies in college. They all eventually finished their degrees. They are my personal heroes.

It shouldn't take heroic courage and strength to have a baby and a college degree. Can't we make it a little easier?

If you want to save babies, you have to help the mothers. Most women want to love their babies, but are afraid to.
 
Today, Obama said that Roe v. Wade "not only protects women's health and reproductive freedom, but stands for a broader principle: that government should not intrude on our most private family matters."

I've learned in my brief 34 years that when a person is scared, and needy, and confused, someone needs to intrude. Someone needs to reach out and say, I'll help you. My problem with Planned Parenthood is that they do not say, "We'll help you have your baby." They say, "We'll help you not have a baby."

Two years ago, there was a bill called the Elizabeth Cady Stanton Pregnant and Parenting Services Act, which would've established a pilot program providing up to $10 million in grants to encourage institutions of higher education to establish and operate "pregnant and parenting student services." Sadly, it apparently died in committee.

Seems to me, marches in support of that bill would've saved more babies than marches against Roe v. Wade. Not that I have anything against the March for Life.

For more information on pro-life college outreach programs, visit Feminists for Life.
If you are pregnant and need help, please visit PregnancyCenters.org.

Thanks to friends and family, March for Babies went better than planned!

I was a little nervous about doing the walk with my three kids and no one else to help me, but it turned out to be a great day. I bumped into a couple of friends from my Moms Club, which is amazing because there must have been hundreds of people there. Then I bumped into my friend Marlieke, wife to a classmate of my husband's from the legendary 23rd company, class of '97 USNA. (Ya like that, Jamie?) So we had to finish the walk together and catch up.

The weather was good, overcast but just warm enough. I found parking easily enough, which was my main worry. Wrong move taking the jogging stroller, the fixed front wheel was hard to maneuver in a crowd, especially with an infant strapped to my chest as well. But the kids were great.

And here's the best part--I raised $470 for the March of Dimes!!! That's way more than I expected, and it's thanks to my wonderful, generous friends and family who were able to sponsor me. Thanks to Sarah, Darcy, Patrick, Alayna, Shan and Antoinette, Lori, Aunt Donna, Aunt Norma, Kelly, Heather, Mike and Lisa, and Jamie W. On behalf of the tiniest of babies, thanks for supporting me and helping to prevent prematurity, birth defects, and infant mortality.

I have a picture of us from the walk to share, but it is stuck in my camera until my husband returns from his trip with my camera's USB cable. I'll post it in a couple of weeks. There are some curious characters in the backgroud of our picture--I'm not quite sure why Darth Vader was there with some of his cronies, not to mention Tony the Tiger. But hey, it was a cool photo op. You'll just have to come back to see it!

5 Baby Things I Don't Need

Of all the stuff marketed to moms, there are very few that I really need. I already listed my must-haves, and now here are the 5 that don't make the cut. Every mom will have her own opinion, of course, and if you are a first-time mom, it is hard to predict which ones you will truly find handy. But I am a third-timer, so these are the things I know I don't need.

1. Formula. I am so grateful that breastfeeding has always been fairly easy for me. I feel good knowing that my babies have only ever had the real thing, as nature intended. I know it's not that easy for everyone, but I, personally, have never had to spend a dime on nor have my babies needed a single drop of baby formula.

2. The Boppy. This one may have some readers gasping in disbelief, I know there are moms out there who love their nursing pillow. I have one, and I did use it some with my first baby. With my second, I started to feel like it was more a hassle than a help. Now with my third, I haven't even taken it out of the closet. Just don't have a need for it.

3. The Diaper Genie. I don't use many disposable diapers, but even when I've been on disposables for a couple of days, I would never want one of these in my house. Disposables stink SO much, they just go straight in my garbage can, which gets taken out in less than a day. I could never keep a stinky diaper contraption in my kids room. I do keep a small garbage can with a step lid for cloth diapers, but there is never really any poop in there, and the wet cloth diapers don't stink anywhere near as much as disposable. By day 3, when I am due to wash diapers, it smells pretty much like your kids bed the morning after they've peed in it. Doesn't take a genie to tell me when it's time to tote it to the laundry room.

4. Breastfeeding covers. When I am nursing in public, I prefer to attract as little attention as possible. I feel like draping a blanket or nursing cover over my shoulder, chest, and baby would look too obvious to those in-the-know, and for those who don't know, would invite curious stares until the lightbulb comes on and they look away, feeling embarrassed that they were staring for so long. I prefer to just hold my baby as though she is napping, with a blanket (often I just use my sling as a blanket) wrapped under her and pulled up high enough to block any view of the "action." Luckily, my babies facilitate this by not wiggling around too much. I also worry that nursing covers give the impression that breastfeeding is something to be so self-concious about that we should all hide under 'baby-burkas.'

5. A Breast Pump. I am a stay-at-home-mom. I am also a work-at-home-mom. On the occassions when I do leave home, baby is slung along, because my husband is often deployed. Sure, it would be nice to have a couple of bottles of milk stored for the very, very rare occassion that I might go out without the baby, but it just doesn't ever happen. At least not for more than an hour or so. So I have no need for a pump. In fact, I would go so far as to say that NO ONE needs a breast pump, unless they expect to be separated from their baby.

Now, some moms are told they 'have to' pump in the beginning, to get their milk supply up. I say that's a bunch of hooey. Your baby will bring it in, as long as you let her do all her sucking at the breast. Using artificial nipples and milk to replace the real thing will of course tell your breast that the milk is not needed. You will get engorged, and your breasts will respond by making less milk. Nurse your baby on demand, and believe me, your breasts will make the right amount, and get over that initial engorgement faster. Even if baby is sleepy, I would much rather wake a sleepy baby than hook up to a machine that will just interrupt the supply and demand cycle.

Of course I know many moms disagree with me, and love and/or need the above baby things . . . please comment and let me know!

5 Baby Things I Use Everyday

Moms use a lot of stuff. We get stuff at showers, we buy stuff, we get hand-me-down stuff, and still, there are people inventing new stuff for moms to use with their babies everyday. Some of it is useful, some of it is totally unnecessary, but there are always a few things that fall into the category of can't-get-by-without-it. It varies a little for each mom. I've had a few rounds doing this baby thing, so I am starting a series of lists. Today's is a list of the 5 things I find so useful I can't get by without them, or wouldn't want to try.

1. The baby swing. Mine is an old Graco swing that my husband bought used at a secondhand store, the very day we brought our first baby home from the hospital. It sits in our living room, and it is thanks to the swing that I am able to type this now. It also is a handy place I can put Katy that is up off the floor, where older children won't randomly fall on her.

2. My Hotsling. I just switched to my spring cotton sling, in the Sweet Pea print, and I love it. I keep Katy in it everyday on the playground after school while Jimmy and Mary play. I get to socialize with the other moms for an hour (sometimes two!) with Katy safely sleeping where I can pat her bottom, and still have hands free to drag a kid out of a tree, up from the mulch, off of the merry-go-round, or back to the car if the afternoon ends in meltdown. Some superheroes need capes. Supermoms need slings.

3. One-piece sleepers. I have a couple of two-piece outfits, but I fear they will never be worn, because the sleepers are so incredibly easy. Katy stays warm, there's no pulling on pants, or pulling things over her head, or socks falling off. They make it easy to slip Katy into and out of a sling, and diaper changes are literally a snap. I suppose when it warms up here, I will have to dress her more lightly, and I love cute little dresses. As long as they have bottoms that snap!

4. Aveeno Baby Soothing Relief Moisture Cream. Katy had eczema for a week or two, and her face still gets really dry and flaky. The doctor had given us a prescription for a really greasy petrolatum-based moisturizer, but I couldn't stand the greasiness.  I tried a couple brands I had on hand before I bought the Aveeno, and now it is my new favorite thing. Katy's face stays velvety and never greasy. It's fragrance free, and feels great, it's the only thing I use on my hands and arms now.

5. Fuzzi Bunz diapers. While I do keep some disposables around for outings, or for when laundry gets backed up, I mostly use Fuzzi Bunz reusable diapers. Katy's skin gets so red after using a couple of disposables in a row, but when I put her in a Fuzzi Bunz, with it's fleece layer keeping her skin dry, her bottom stays peachy. I use an old-fashioned pre-fold to stuff it at night, and she's leak free for 8 hours!

My new baby girl!

I have been so remiss in updating my blog, and I would blame it on giving birth, but that just makes it more outrageous that I couldn't even share that majorly newsworthy piece of info here.

In an effort to jump back in with both feet, and kickstart the habit of daily writing, I am commiting to a month of daily posts with NaBloPoMo. They even give us a theme--a list a day. Lists should be easy. Here's my first.

Ten things about my new baby girl:

1. Her name is Katherine Rose, and I like to call her Katy Rose. Maybe she will like to go by Kate when she is older--I like that name too.

2. She was born 6 days past due, and I finally managed to labor at home and arrive at the hospital at 9 cm dilated. Woo hooo! No drugs this time, I totally rocked! Even after two days of labor.

3. During day 1 of labor, I went shopping for a new coat and gloves, and then we bought a new car (a Saturn Outlook.) Ok, that's not really about Katy.

4. Katy was baby #4, and she weighed 8 lbs. 14oz.

5. She is the quietest baby we've had, she is so content most of the time, I feel guilty at how long she stays in her swing. I pick her up and try to tell her to make some noise, that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. My oldest two know how to demand what they want, I don't want Katy to miss out on what's hers.

6. Her brother and sister love her, they hug her and adore her. Jimmy says she is like an angel, and Mary . . . well. Mary has to learn to be more gentle and not so touchy-feely.

7. She has been smiling for a few weeks now, and her beams have gotten bigger each day. So joyful!

8. She has blond lashes and eyebrows like me, she will probably get hooked on mascara someday too. Sigh.

9. Katy Rose makes me work even harder at having enough energy and patience to be the mom I want to be to all my children.

10. I will post her picture here for my next post!

If you're planning a baby, you should be taking Folic Acid

Did you know that this week is National Folic Acid Awareness Week? Folic acid, or folate, is the supplement I take to help prevent neural tube birth defects like my baby Hope's. There is an interesting new study, Folate Levels in Young Women Dropping, at Foxnews.com about the fortification of foods with this B vitamin. It's added to enriched wheat products, which has helped reduce the occurance of neural tube defects.

A neural tube defect, like anencephaly or spina bifida, occurs when the neural tube does not properly close, or "zip up" all the way to the top of what will be the skull and spinal column. This happens by day 28 of a pregnancy, so taking folic acid only after you find out you're pregnant is really too late.

I strongly believe this is something all women need to know about, so let me share what I know.

The recommended daily allowance (RDA) of folic acid for the average woman is only 400 mcg. That's what's in a standard multivitamin. But for pregnant women and those trying-to-conceive, the RDA is 1000mcg (which equals 1 mg). Since an egg begins developing for release 3 months prior to ovulation, that means women need to start taking daily folic acid 3 months before conception.

For those (like me) who've had a baby with a NTD, the RDA is 5 mg. Conception has a stubborn habit of refusing to follow to our schedules, which is why most married women may want to take folic acid daily for the rest of their childbearing years. That's my plan. For those related (by blood or marriage) to a baby with an NTD, the RDA is 2 mg. That goes for relatives of the mother, relatives of the father, and even spouses of relatives. It is clear that there's a genetic factor, and that may include the father's genes as well as the mother's. So all siblings of the mother and father, whether male or female, have a higher risk factor for NTDs.

You can buy folic acid tablets at any grocery or discount store, but usually in just 400 mcg tablets. You can usually find 800 mcg tablets at health food stores. You can also ask your doctor for a prescription for 1 mg tablets, which is how I get mine. And you can get more information about folic acid and the prevention of birth defects from the National Council on Folic Acid.

Well then call me a "lactivist"!

Looks like the only thing to move me to jump back on the blogosphere is more buzz about breasts and lactivism. I must applaud Baby Talk magazine for this month's cover, a photo of a sweet little nursing baby that includes a side profile of his mother's breast. Apparently they've gotten more mail (700 letters) about it than any other issue. In a CNN.com article, they say 25% of mom-readers polled actually reacted negatively to the photo! That's what shocks me! A quarter of their reader-mothers objected to seeing that beautiful baby and a peek of breast.

What is wrong with you women?! I'll skip past all the previous lectures about how nursing is natural, that breastfeeding is beautiful, and women should not feel ashamed or embarassed about their bodies or about giving their baby what they need most. Because that should all go without saying. The issue at hand is sex.

Yes, my friends, it all comes back to sex. Sure, the baby wouldn't be there if it weren't for sex. And it must be obvious that every mom responding to the article is no stranger to sex. (Ok, unless there's a celibate saint among the readers who managed to adopt a baby while remaining a nun.)

And we know that American men see breasts as sexual objects, though one could argue over how much is instinct and how much is due to the media-onslaught of half naked women shoving their breasts into cameras to sell everything from beer to sports stats to potato chips. What burns me up is that women have been indoctrinated into accepting the notion that their breasts are primarily sexual objects.

One mom claimed that she didn't want her 13 year-old son to see the cover:

"I shredded it," said Gayle Ash, of Belton, Texas, in a telephone interview. "A breast is a breast -- it's a sexual thing. He didn't need to see that."

I have a son, he's only three, but god-willing he will one day be 13. And while I know that for awhile he will be obsessed with the sexual appeal of breasts, I certainly hope that he has enough examples of non-sexual reverance for the female body that he comes through the teenage years able to appreciate female beauty in people and places and activities that don't involve bikinis, push-up bras, and air brushing. I hope that he doesn't suffer under the delusion that all breasts look like the glitter-covered digitally-enhanced bosoms plastered all over the mens magazines, sports magazines, and yes, of course, women's magazines. I hope to God that he grows to be a man who encourages his wife to breastfeed his children, who is at ease with the REAL female body, and who appreciates that female beauty is not the same as sex appeal.

You could do your best to hide all nudity from your son, but rest assured no American teenager can go long without getting a glimpse of naked breast. Where will he see them? What context? What will it teach him about the purpose of our breasts? What will it teach him about the role of women? How will it shape his attitude toward women?

Yes, I agree a breast is a powerful image. If only it could represent all the beauty our female form offers. My breasts are not objects, they are just one, ok, two parts of my body, and they actually play a much, ahem, bigger role now that I am a mom. My bosom is where I comfort my child when he cries. It is where they lay their heads when I rock them when they are sick, or tired, or scared. It is where my babies were lain in the first seconds of their lives, when we looked into each others eyes for the first time.

Obviously, breasts are indeed "a sexual thing," as that mom said. Does she really believe that is all they are? The beauty of that photo illustrates that breasts are a "mother thing." If you hide such expressions, censor the photos, send nursing moms to the restroom or back to the parking lot (or often to the grocery store to buy lipid-enhanced non-sexual soy formula), than that leaves the Cosmo and Sports Illustrated to teach our sons and daughters that beauty=breasts=sex.

So those of you who still squirm to think of a mom nursing a baby in public, get over it! Quit looking, then! Accept the fact that the boob is NOT there to decorate, titillate, impress, excite, scandalize, attract, taunt, seduce, intimidate, or even sell you a sports car. Accept the fact that it's NOT about you. It's all about the baby. And that's what's so beautiful.

Interview with the nursing mother from Barbara Walter's flight

I must revisit the nursing-in-public topic today, as I just found a link (over at Open Book) to an interview with a woman who says she is the mother who nursed her baby on the plane, making Barbara Walters so uncomfortable.

Apparently a blogger came across mention of her on a mother's listserve, and interviewed her by email. She seems like a fascinating lady. She is from South Africa, and was sitting with her husband and baby on the last leg of an 18 hour trip.

You can read about the incident here.