I can hardly believe how long I've left the blog! The countdown to deployment is always busy, busy but life is settling back down, and as if they knew I needed it, ABC Family is having Harry Potter weekend.
Watching The Sorcerer's Stone tonight, I was fascinated by the Mirror of Erised. Harry wanders into a room to hide and finds a mirror. To use Wikipedia's summary:
On it is inscribed, erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi — which, when reversed and correctly spaced, reads I show not your face but your heart's desire. Harry, upon encountering the Mirror, can see his parents, as well as what appears to be a crowd of relatives; Ron sees himself as Head Boy and Quidditch Captain holding the Quidditch Cup (thus revealing his wish to be acknowledged out of the shadow of his highly successful older brothers, as well as his more popular friend, Harry). Dumbledore cautions Harry that the mirror gives neither knowledge nor truth and that men have wasted away before it, entranced by what they see.
I wish I had the book to quote correctly, but Dumbledore says it shows "nothing more or less than your heart's deepest and most desperate desire." And adds that it's not good to waste your life dreaming and forget to live.
If you consider the "desperate" part, that changes things. I think the idea is that it doesn't neccessarily show your true aspirations, or what will truly will make you happy, or your noblest desires.
And suddenly I knew what I would see. I would see my husband coming home after a regular, predictable workday to have dinner and be with us as part of our everyday routine. That is my heart's deepest desperate wish.
Desperate because I know it's not to be. And I've made peace with that. Mostly.
Deepest because I try not to think of that too often. I understand clearly what Dumbledore is saying about wasting away longing for a dream and forgetting to live.
Sigh. J.K. Rowling is a genius.