Interesting article on the AP today: Army mom who reported with kids meets base leaders.
In short, Lisa Pagan is a stay-at-home mom of two kids, who was honorably discharged from the army four years ago, and has been called back to duty. Her husband must travel for his job, she has no one to care for her kids, so she has taken them with her to her new command to appeal the recall.
There are so many ways to judge this!
As a mom, I think, of course she has to take care of her children, she's been out for four years, they can't take her back away from her kids. And exactly who would take care of them?
As the wife of a naval officer, I think of the many young moms in my husband's past commands who had to prepare "family care plans" for their children before a deployment.
In particular, I remember meeting a young woman at the squadron Christmas party who worked for my husband who was eight months pregnant, single, and who had to deploy with the carrier in several months, and would be sending her 3 month old baby to live with her mother in Puerto Rico. I tried to look un-phased as she told me, nodding sympathetically, just listening. Inside, I was completely horrified. Trying to stop imagining this woman kissing her tiny infant good bye for over six months.
Even men have to come up with these care plans, my husband has helped single dads arrange care for their kids, too, when planning for deployment. It's hard on all kinds of families.
I know well and understand the military's position, that this is what you sign on for, and it's up to you to plan for it.
Though my husband is an officer and doesn't have a contract, he still makes a commitment for a period of time, and if something happened to me, he would still have to deploy with his command. Our wills include a plan for our three kids' care in the event I'm gone and daddy has to deploy.
The article says she is on "individual ready reserve" status, which means she has time left on her original enlistment contract. She's been out for four years, so I can't help but wonder, how long was her contract for? Anything over 4 years sounds ridiculous to me. There must be more to the story. I mean, should the military really be able to own you for that long? A young woman, especially?
I can't help but think that this exact situation is one example of what's wrong with gender "equality." I'm not saying women shouldn't serve in the military. But men and women are not the same. Life is so much more complicated than the t-shirt I remember wearing when I was a little girl in the 70's that said "Anything boys can do, girls can do better."
I just think that we can't just teach our girls that they can do anything they want, they can have it all, and then let them make their choices, just like the boys. Let them begin adulthood making the same commitments, as though there is no difference between a young man and a young woman.
The military tries to act like babies change nothing. Any mom can tell you, having a baby can change, in an instant, every plan you ever had. And there is no such thing as having it all, at least not at the same time. Even outside the military, working women knock themselves out trying to find "balance." Which really equates to choosing, and choosing wisely, what you commit to.
I just wonder, do recruiters really sign women up for 5 year, 6 year, 7 year contracts? Should they be allowed to?
Pretending that there's no difference between men and women, moms and dads, doesn't help anyone, least of all the babies.
I remember learning the term "opportunity cost" in my high school economics class, I had no idea it would be the ruling principle in my life as an adult. Do high schools still teach Home Ec? Seems to me teenage girls would be better prepared for real life as a mom if they taught a class called "Balance."
Back to this young mom's situation, I hope that they decide she is not a good candidate for reactivation. Don't know if that is exactly fair, it certainly isn't equal. Her situation may not even be that unusual. Though her press coverage is certainly unusual.
Opinion, anyone?
